The lack of father figures in our lives
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Studies have shown that many of the issues young men and women growing up dealing with and the path they take to try to solve these issues is rooted in lack of father figures in the home. Growing up seeing a mother playing her role and the role of a father can really distort the view that young men and women have on grown men. What are your thoughts?
I strongly agree with it. Based on my experience i can honestly say my father not being around caused me to experiment down all the wrong roads looking to find my identity as a man. I didn’t have a man around to show me what a man looks like so i did whatever i saw all the wrong people do and did the things i heard my father used to do. If he existed in my life during the times i was growing up i would’ve been someone else and would’ve prevented so many things. I was reading the book courageous book, it highlighted some important points on this. Beside my experience as a man, ive seen so many young women searching for love of a man down the wrong roads simply because the absent of their father affected them greatly. I agree which is why i believe in family more than ever.
AnonymousThis is something I agree with because I grew up without my father or any other father figure. I don’t think many females without father figures realize they are searching for that empty space in so many other areas. Many turn to drugs, promiscuity, false identities, abusive relationships, and other issues. God intended to have two loving parents who have vowed to stay together in front of him until death as an example for a reason. Also, I know growing up without a father figure causes distrust in men or to feel you can do things on your own without a man. Sometimes it’s also hard to know your role as a woman in relation to a man because you haven’t had a positive example. Can find yourself disrespectful to men because you don’t see men as deserving of respect or have never saw any women in your life respect or trust men. The tables can be turned where you are a victim of disrespect and abuse by men. This is influenced by the women running the home with no man stepping up in responsibility or insecurities from abandonment.
Some of these women either end up playing a man’s role or try playing both roles especially when encountering men who have also not been taught their role by a lack of father figure.It is heart wrenching how much trouble and pain come about when any one piece of the puzzle ( mom, dad, me) is missing. Like you guys, I grew up without a father figure in the home. On top of that, I grew up with two people whose parenting styles greatly differ ( mom for the first 12 years of my life in Haiti, grandma for six in the USA). I always felt the void without knowing what to do to fill it up. So I buried myself in school and work. I was afraid of men, especially those in authority. I made myself a loner and avoided people as much as I could. I grew up somewhat catholic ( I’ll just live it at that) so I really did not have a clear understanding of God’s grace and power to heal. A few years ago I decided to branch out and through that I discovered God’s greatness and His son’s blood. Over time I learned to respect men without fearing them, authority or not. I learned to be cautious without the thought that everyone is out to get me. I learned to make real friends without thinking that everyone who enters my life will leave just as fast as they came in. I even tried dating a couple of times. Slowly, I am learning to let go of the hurt, heal, and let God’s grace fill my void. I set my eyes on good, God fearing men and women in the church in order to get a better idea of what mature men and women are.
*** Thanks for sharing you guys. In that, I believe we will continue to grow and heal.Desiree,
I completely agree with you. For a long time I made myself believe I could do everything I needed and wanted to do without a man. I had a hard time letting people in and allowing myself to be vulnerable because I was strong enough to do it all on my own. Thank God, I think differently now that I have seen many examples of strong, mature men of God.Alex,
Thank you for sharing from a man’s prospective. Many times the women are the ones the light is shine on for the lack of father figure when it is clear that young men are affected as well.
AnonymousThat’s really great Yve! I have yet to really be able to feel comfortable and be myself around men and I haven’t mastered being just good friends with them, but I know over time with God and healing I will get to that point. I know it will take some time because I just started a healing journey last year, but one day it will happen. It’s sad that women should feel they can’t trust men as the protectors that God made them out to be, but the enemy tries to use negative things towards us when we’re young to distort that. I am however learning that whatever the devil uses for our bad, God uses it for his glory and our good and we will see it as we grow more and more with him 🙂
AnonymousAlex, I really have to remember sometimes why certain men do things they way they do. It’s easy to get absorbed in your own issues of not having a father figure, but majority of the men I’ve come across never had a positive male figure either. It really is so crucial for a man when he is trying to figure out his role to women and what is expected of him especially with all the negative influences of society that only causes destruction. A lot of men are scared/confused/anger and I think the right woman will help his realize his potential and push him to be a better person in that regard.
Desiree,
Be patient. It is a work in progress. I am still a work in progress. I started my journey a few years ago and still today there are times where I have to remind myself when I need to speak up to men in authority, when I need to be vulnerable and remember my role is to be the woman God made me to be. I am so happy for you in your walk with God. He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him, so He will meet your needs and desires of your heart.
Anonymousjust to chime in, I too know what it’s like to grow up fatherless. My parents never married and they weren’t really around to be honest. My dad was into drugs so he sought refuge in that and my mom did the same but she replaced it with random men. I’ve seen my friends and people who I know struggle because of a father being absent, which is why Alex is correct-family is everything. I strongly believe that if there were more fathers in the homes, a lot of things that affect and effect us wouldn’t do so.
like most of you, my mom did more of the “raising kids”. we did live with my father for a while but he wasnt really there. i agree that people grow up better when there is both parents as opposed to one or none. more the fatherless. i plan on being there for my son and wife cuz i see the hurt it causes without a father figure
Joshua and Malcolm,
Thank you gentlemen for sharing. I am glad we have been driven toward and decided to take a more positive path than the one that we grew up in. Because you have experienced what it is like to be without a father, you will learn to be better and stronger fathers to your children and husbands to your future wives.
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