Know When To Stand And Fight

It is true that there are times when we need to cut our losses and let go of the bad relationship that is going nowhere fast? A relationship that has a dark cloud hanging over our heads? There are times when we need to put our boxing gloves on and fight. Fight if you have someone in the ring who is willing to fight with you, or at least willing to jump in if you tag him. Don’t be so quick to “want out” for every little disagreement. Relationships are not roses and smoothly paved roads all the day and all night. Hard work, arguments, and heated discussions come with the package as well. The difference that determines whether you should fight or not is between constant arguments never reaching a solution that left you both without a common ground to stand on.  Healthy fights are proof that you are two different human-beings. The question is, should you stay or should you walk away? Personally, I say walk away if your good days don’t outweigh the bad. Walk away if you are on a never-ending track of an on and off marathon. Walk away if you know deep down that you are with the wrong person. It is the worst when people choose to stay in a relationship just because they don’t want to be alone. Be smart enough to fight for a relationship that is working and to walk away when necessary regardless of ending up single for a while.

If your good days outweigh the bad ones, chances are you’re just in rough patch for that time being. This is not a reason to assume you are not happy or that you need to walk away. In a relationship there are many things that will come in and ruin your day. Over time we will learn to ignore some of these things, but we are humans after all and ignoring is not always a first option. From forgetting to run an errand to not putting the kids to bed on time, life throw things like these at us not to separate us, but to make us stronger. I understand, there are things that are much worse than the two examples I gave. Some couples come across difficult things like cheating and lying. To some people those mistakes require leaving (hands down, no questions ask) and never looking back. I encourage trying to stay and fight if you can get to the bottom of the real issue and work at it from there. I am not saying lying and cheating are ok, but that there are times when they aren’t done intentionally. I know these things are terrible when they happen to us, but I can’t help but think on the other side of mind, that if a couple survives something like cheating and lying, your love will blossom like a flower in winter times and stand to the test of not only difficulties, but time as well. If you have not seen the movie “Fireproof“, I encourage you to ( it is on Netflix, YouTube, and Christian stores who sell movies). It gives really good examples of what to do when you reach a point in your relationship where leaving seems like the only option.Whatever it is that takes place in your relationship that brings the thought of leaving, take some time to think it over before deciding that leaving is the right thing to do. There are times when leaving is what should be done, but not always. Sitting down to think and talk about what had had happened will give both of you the time and evidence that will lead you to the right decision. Difficult things should help build our patience and strengthen our ability to not let life’s curve balls ( big or small) break us.

Are you in a relationship that is only a relationship because you gave it that title, but not because it actually is a relationship? One minute you are dating, the next you are enemies. The cycle continues as long as you let it for reasons personal to you that no one else seems to understand. I know sometimes people break up for silly reasons and decided to grow up and give things another try. Sometimes things work out and those people move on with each other, other times it is the beginning of the never-ending cycle at which point moving on alone is better for you.

I say stand and fight if you are simply experiencing a bump in the road and you still have a common ground to stand on. You have to remember that even though you are with the person of your dream, you are both two different people with individual differences that sometimes can cause you to knock heads. When you argue it is not always a bad thing. It simply means you are not seeing eye to eye on something. It gives you both an opportunity to see how each other thinks and reacts to certain topics and situations. That will help you survive or avoid future arguments.

If deep down you have legitimate reasons that lead you to believe you are with the wrong person, but for some reason you are too scared to leave out of fear of being alone, then you need to decide which one is worth more, your happiness or being with bad company. Love and respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves the purpose of making you happy. On the other hand, if you know that you are with the right person, don’t make a decision you will regret in the heat of the moment.  I have talked to people who have been together for years and asked them how they face resolving conflicts in their relationships. I have heard strategies such as, have a “go to” place when you are too angry to speak with each other. Some people walk away and come back when their heads are clear enough to reasonably discuss things. Every relationship is different and so are the people involve, therefore, the way we choose to face conflict will also be different. The point is to have a strategy in place that works and not be afraid to fight if it will save your relationship.

Ultimately, it is up to you to decide if you stay in your relationship or not. My goal is not to convince you to do either or, but to ask you to be a level headed evaluator for your relationship and decide if it is in the best of your interest. Know when to walk away also know when to stand and fight. Love is worth that much…