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Why You Should Keep Your Relationship Private and off of Social Media

Social media has become so important to us that it now has the power to destroy relationships. Whether those relationships were solid or not is another topic.  So many arguments in relationships revolve around social media. People have lost the art of privacy, they don’t know the difference between it and secrecy. One of the biggest arguments that people have concerning social media is whether or not your partner should be featured on your social media sites. I posted a short story on my Instagram page (@Gentlemenhood) about a man who simply wants to be private about his relationship but his woman feels like he’s hiding something or doesn’t love her enough. Many women went berserk on my page as always when I share sensitive topics. One even stated that it’s not ethical, posting your significant other should be a part of life. It’s crazy how invested we are into social media. So many, primarily women, attack it from every angle.  Most made assumptions based on their interpretation claiming it’s false when they weren’t clear in what context the short story originated. A lot of them questioned fidelity on the topic, making it appear as if a lack of broadcasting your partner is for cheaters; when in reality the best cheaters do what is necessary to make their partner feel as if they are fully invested in the relationship. I’ve seen relationships where I knew one person wasn’t being faithful, but that one posted about their partner every week. If someone is going to cheat most of the time posting online isn’t going to stop them. It is interesting that most believe that not posting is a red flag for cheating. Before I continue on I’d like to say that if you need to run to social media to check on your partner you already picked the wrong person. Social media isn’t the problem most of the time, the person you’re with is just simply wrong for you.

 
Now let’s address about posting online. First, I do not say no to posting online ever. That’s just people’s interpretation of a simple short story of a scenario. When the topic is sensitive to you, you only see it from your perspective. What I believe is that it’s overdone and usually without substance.
Here’s why I personally suggest keeping the relationship private.

 

1.) It can create a false idea of validation.

In established relationships, social media posts is something that is done. It’s not a stamp on the love, just a simple act that doesn’t hold much weight. The married couple with a solid relationship doesn’t need that. Especially if they are private. Some people just don’t want part of their “personal life” on there. It’s surprisingly hard for some to grasp that. They believe if you post a picture of a meal you need to post a picture of your partner. A meal is not personal, your love life is. In many non-established relationships it’s the way for some to feel accepted. To some women sometimes it’s a way of saying “hey look at me, I finally found someone who likes me.” To some guys it’s a “hey I got me a nice chick this time, I’m the man.” In many ways it can be of no substance just validation to feed insecurities. People do show people off for the wrong reasons. Your partner can show you off for the wrong reasons.

 

2.) It gives people too much information about your dating life. 

Some people post about their relationship because it makes them feel as if their relationship is okay, their way to sell people this picture perfect image. However, many advertise their partner as the love of their life, they are going to be forever and ever etc, primarily showing everything during the honey moon stages. They advertise to people that they have a solid relationship full of love and that they know what love is, but the relationship eventually ends down the road. You may say, “well what’s wrong with that?” It’s embarrassing, you feel lied to and feel like you’ve lied to people. Some people feel ashamed and are made fun of. When you have an audience, it’s hard to handle personal struggles such as heartbreaks properly. Most people result to bashing their ex and posting happy pictures so people can believe they are okay. We get puffed up when we are supposedly in love. We advertise our so called “man or woman” as if they are the one then reality hits. Your bad relationship sometimes ministers the wrong message to some. The people who sometimes say “I want a relationship like him and her” sometimes lose hope in love seeing people they admired’s love die out. Especially teens. You may say it’s not that deep, it gets a bit deep here. Now you start to date other people. Since you believe in showing off your partner, now in every relationship you’re showing new people, and after every breakup there’s a clean up on your page. People are now exposed to inconsistency in your life, heartbreaks, and situation etc. It’s like being a single mom and bringing home every man you have a little something started with. It’s wise to just eat your bread in silence. It might just be me, but I don’t feel like posting about everyone I date. I don’t post #WCW just for that reason. When I have an established relationship that’s heading towards marriage for a fact then I can do such a thing. I’m not completely against it, but I am saying it’s abused and sometimes gives others false ideas of who you are. People who don’t know you can sometimes believe the wrong things based on how many partners you’re always displaying, and sometimes people regret ever saying those things about their partners online.

 

3.) It puts people in your business. 

Believe it or not it exposes your business. People have this idea that it helps the relationship if you expose the good and never share the bad. Well that’s not always the case. People already have a hard time controlling themselves to not post quotes that are relevant to their current situations in their relationship when it comes to the pictures and so forth. This is adding fuel to the fire. The reality is we broadcast way too much nowadays. The more we broadcast about our lives, the more we feel the need to broadcast even further, which is sometimes our downfall. We don’t know how to just work hard and cherish the good in our lives without telling the whole world. Look at it from this angle. So often you guys post about each other then all of a sudden the routine stops, to you it’s nothing, you’re just not happy with them and you believe everyone else can’t tell. Well the fact you haven’t posted hints that there’s something wrong. It’s a given. People say “you don’t know me, you just know what I post online.” Your online profiles give people an idea of who you are and where you are in life. How? Because people tend to share every high and hint every low. I had a few people who used to post often about being in love and their partner. They stopped posting, I checked on them being someone who tries to help everyone’s relationship, come to find out their relationship ended. They were separated and they felt like a fool in front of everyone. The shame even led a couple to delete their pages. Go to someone’s page right now who’s heartbroken, either they have a post of that nature, they’re commenting/liking on all posts of that nature, or their putting on a facade online. We share what’s in our hearts. Many people watch relationships, some they gain hope from it and others they are waiting for its downfall. Non-established relationships sometimes fall because of this.  Once the hint is out, wolves looking to destroy relationships start to act on the assumptions and attack when it’s evident the relationship is going through hard times. Many will say that’s ludicrous, but it happens. There are people out there who do not respect other’s relationships and wait for opportunities. You may say, “well the person should know better.” Well most of us don’t when we are vulnerable, especially women. We are more emotional than logical, most times we want people to confide in. In many cases we do certain things to make the other jealous as well. Most women end up in terrible relationships because men catch them when they are vulnerable. It’s reality. People should protect their relationship but many don’t. You don’t need people knowing when you are doing bad or good. Ever hear the term “work in silence?”

 

4.) It adds too much value to social media 

Social media already ruins some of the most beautiful moments because people are too caught up in it. This adds more value to social media. It invades another part of our life. I’ve been in a relationship where when we got together all we did was talk about other things we saw on social media sites and took pictures for social media. We just have to stop letting that take over every part of our life. Some people eventually feel the need to advertise their sex life on there. There’s no boundaries. We are becoming slaves of it and this is more proof. Most people I know in solid relationships rarely even post about each other or even post online. It’s kinda hard for many to believe that someone doesn’t advertise their life online which is ridiculous. As I’ve mentioned to some, If I didn’t have a brand online I wouldn’t have social media pages. Too many people use it for the wrong reasons.

Keep it off of social media, this is the advice I give people. Twice in my life people have told me that and it stuck with me. One girlfriend told me once, “why do you need everyone online to know? Everyone who matters knows.” I was a young college kid, it was dumb to me. As I grew up I noticed how many times I asked my partners to place their stuff online because it was validation for me. Like “look at me I’m in a relationship with a pretty chick.” One of my ex’s mother told me something similar later on in life, “take your time, keep people out of your business, establish the relationship first.” I thought it was nonsense until I faced the break up. Social media already complicated things, it’s best if we keep it out. You want the world to know you’re with someone, great. Wouldn’t it be better if it was someone who really loves you and the relationship has longevity not just a hype up thing? Some men are posting about their women because their women won’t stop nagging about it. Some women are posting their men because they need it to show that they’re picture perfect. Some of both are doing it because relationships make them feel whole and showing off their relationship is an accomplishment to them. In some relationships it even creates false competition, where people are complaining about their partner not posting about them enough or as much as the next person does. Get your relationship off of the internet and work on it. A good relationship already has enough to face, don’t add more to it. Some people just like private lives, just because they aren’t exposing their heart to the public doesn’t mean they are hiding it.

Pierre Alex Jeanty is regular guy who sees things different from the majority. He is the founder of Gentlemenhood. A full time blogger, Author, social media specialist, health nut, Certified Life Coach and most importantly a disciple of Christ. Born in Port-au-Prince, Haiti now Alex resides in Lehigh Acres, Florida where he focuses on making a difference in this world.

This article has 15 comments

  1. Ami

    i completely agree …

  2. Keisha

    It took me a while, but I get this now. At one time I felt that if he didn’t post a picture of me, our vacations or the things I did for him that he was “hiding” our relationship but now I’m realizing that I was wanting to be known as his woman as opposed to working on our relationship. So now, privacy is best. Social media definitely puts people into your relationship and that opens the door for tons of problems. Great article!!

    • Sade Cathey

      Im going through that now with my boyfriend not wanting to post us on social media so i question it smh now i understand why

  3. Social Butterfly

    Can I tell you how I really appreciate your articles? It gives me an inside look on how men really think. I am in a relationship with someone that posts everyone and everything except me. He says he posts things he doesn’t care about. However, at one point we were broken up and he dated another woman and had a couple of pictures on his page of her. How could I not feel some type of way? I automatically took it as he is hiding me or not proud to have me on his arm but after reading this maybe there is some truth to privacy. Every now and then you get that post on your feed of a man proclaiming his love to his woman and it makes me wonder why I cant get at least one post of this emotional magnitude. Or even a birthday shout out lol. I feel crazy for even comparing. Thank you for allowing us women to get a sneak peek of what the other side might really feel. Without this we go on flights of imagination filling in the blanks with what we think our men thinking. Clearly we are usually completely off. I guess relationships are about listening and learning. I am trying my best to not jump to conclusions.

  4. Chaquevia Dumas

    “A lot of them questioned fidelity on the topic, making it appear as if a lack of broadcasting your partner is for cheaters; when in reality the best cheaters do what is necessary to make their partner feel as if they are fully invested in the relationship.”

    I blame Beyonce’s “Say My Name” or was that Destiny’s Child? Either way, it’s the same concept: people feeling more “secure” if their partner is posting about, or, “saying their name if no one is around them.” They and their relationship are based on the world and not on God’s word.

  5. A.J.

    I absolutely love this. I have always been somewhat private about my love life. But with a new partner, I have been even more so. At first it used to bug me that I wasn’t “tagged” or “displayed” on his page. But after reading this, I realize that those were simply my insecurities. I am okay with keeping things private. Thanks for this wonderful article.

  6. marie

    This has a great impact to me because I realized that im acting insecure in our relationship for getting mad at my boyfriend for not posting photos or any about us. Privacy is better, not all people are concern..some are just curious. Love for your partner doesnt measure through broadcasting your lovr to your partner..

  7. Francisca

    This is so true. I am also not a big fan of couples revealing their relationships on social media. Thanks!!

  8. Shantel

    I get it. My new boyfriend said a majority of these points and we discussed it a lot. This article is definitely on point.

  9. Vendy

    I’m in a very promising relationship and neither any of us broadcast our privacy on social media… we both love each other and I’ve never worried about him not posting my pictures cz Its not my thing…..

  10. lizz maynes

    Ur article enlightened me. Now i understand my fiance’ y he never posted my pics or shout to the world bout me. I thought he is hiding me and not proud of me that sometimes i think he is hiding somethng from me or cheatin on my back. That, sometimes gives me the feeling of insecurities, jealousy to somethng that cause him to get annoyed and start discussions between us. He said, he dnt want any1 to know bout me to protect me and us, and 2ndly he is a veri private person. Sometimes i even wanted to break-off with him. I jaz love him so much thats y i try to understand. But now i understand him and love him more. He is a true gentleman. The right man for me. Tnx for the article. An eye opener.

  11. dhea

    I relate with your article, because I am one of those girls who think that not posting any about your partner considered that he is ashamed of me or he is hiding something to me. He refuse to friend me in Facebook because he believed that this may start misunderstandings and everything between us should remain private. No need to broadcast, the status of relationship in real life is much important. Facebook is just a Facebook. No biggie.

  12. EarthWomb

    Okay I feel like a total idiot now for feeling insecure about my boyfriend not posting about me on social media. We’ve been together for 2.5 years and I always thought he was keeping me a secret. We used to argue about it from time to time. But I realize social media does ruin things..like the sacredness of a relationship. The two simply don’t go together. This is between us, not us and the world.

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