Social media has become so important to us that it now has the power to destroy relationships. Whether those relationships were solid or not is another topic. So many arguments in relationships revolve around social media. People have lost the art of privacy, they don’t know the difference between it and secrecy. One of the biggest arguments that people have concerning social media is whether or not your partner should be featured on your social media sites. I posted a short story on my Instagram page (@Gentlemenhood) about a man who simply wants to be private about his relationship but his woman feels like he’s hiding something or doesn’t love her enough. Many women went berserk on my page as always when I share sensitive topics. One even stated that it’s not ethical, posting your significant other should be a part of life. It’s crazy how invested we are into social media. So many, primarily women, attack it from every angle. Most made assumptions based on their interpretation claiming it’s false when they weren’t clear in what context the short story originated. A lot of them questioned fidelity on the topic, making it appear as if a lack of broadcasting your partner is for cheaters; when in reality the best cheaters do what is necessary to make their partner feel as if they are fully invested in the relationship. I’ve seen relationships where I knew one person wasn’t being faithful, but that one posted about their partner every week. If someone is going to cheat most of the time posting online isn’t going to stop them. It is interesting that most believe that not posting is a red flag for cheating. Before I continue on I’d like to say that if you need to run to social media to check on your partner you already picked the wrong person. Social media isn’t the problem most of the time, the person you’re with is just simply wrong for you.
Now let’s address about posting online. First, I do not say no to posting online ever. That’s just people’s interpretation of a simple short story of a scenario. When the topic is sensitive to you, you only see it from your perspective. What I believe is that it’s overdone and usually without substance.
Here’s why I personally suggest keeping the relationship private.
1.) It can create a false idea of validation.
In established relationships, social media posts is something that is done. It’s not a stamp on the love, just a simple act that doesn’t hold much weight. The married couple with a solid relationship doesn’t need that. Especially if they are private. Some people just don’t want part of their “personal life” on there. It’s surprisingly hard for some to grasp that. They believe if you post a picture of a meal you need to post a picture of your partner. A meal is not personal, your love life is. In many non-established relationships it’s the way for some to feel accepted. To some women sometimes it’s a way of saying “hey look at me, I finally found someone who likes me.” To some guys it’s a “hey I got me a nice chick this time, I’m the man.” In many ways it can be of no substance just validation to feed insecurities. People do show people off for the wrong reasons. Your partner can show you off for the wrong reasons.
2.) It gives people too much information about your dating life.
Some people post about their relationship because it makes them feel as if their relationship is okay, their way to sell people this picture perfect image. However, many advertise their partner as the love of their life, they are going to be forever and ever etc, primarily showing everything during the honey moon stages. They advertise to people that they have a solid relationship full of love and that they know what love is, but the relationship eventually ends down the road. You may say, “well what’s wrong with that?” It’s embarrassing, you feel lied to and feel like you’ve lied to people. Some people feel ashamed and are made fun of. When you have an audience, it’s hard to handle personal struggles such as heartbreaks properly. Most people result to bashing their ex and posting happy pictures so people can believe they are okay. We get puffed up when we are supposedly in love. We advertise our so called “man or woman” as if they are the one then reality hits. Your bad relationship sometimes ministers the wrong message to some. The people who sometimes say “I want a relationship like him and her” sometimes lose hope in love seeing people they admired’s love die out. Especially teens. You may say it’s not that deep, it gets a bit deep here. Now you start to date other people. Since you believe in showing off your partner, now in every relationship you’re showing new people, and after every breakup there’s a clean up on your page. People are now exposed to inconsistency in your life, heartbreaks, and situation etc. It’s like being a single mom and bringing home every man you have a little something started with. It’s wise to just eat your bread in silence. It might just be me, but I don’t feel like posting about everyone I date. I don’t post #WCW just for that reason. When I have an established relationship that’s heading towards marriage for a fact then I can do such a thing. I’m not completely against it, but I am saying it’s abused and sometimes gives others false ideas of who you are. People who don’t know you can sometimes believe the wrong things based on how many partners you’re always displaying, and sometimes people regret ever saying those things about their partners online.
3.) It puts people in your business.
Believe it or not it exposes your business. People have this idea that it helps the relationship if you expose the good and never share the bad. Well that’s not always the case. People already have a hard time controlling themselves to not post quotes that are relevant to their current situations in their relationship when it comes to the pictures and so forth. This is adding fuel to the fire. The reality is we broadcast way too much nowadays. The more we broadcast about our lives, the more we feel the need to broadcast even further, which is sometimes our downfall. We don’t know how to just work hard and cherish the good in our lives without telling the whole world. Look at it from this angle. So often you guys post about each other then all of a sudden the routine stops, to you it’s nothing, you’re just not happy with them and you believe everyone else can’t tell. Well the fact you haven’t posted hints that there’s something wrong. It’s a given. People say “you don’t know me, you just know what I post online.” Your online profiles give people an idea of who you are and where you are in life. How? Because people tend to share every high and hint every low. I had a few people who used to post often about being in love and their partner. They stopped posting, I checked on them being someone who tries to help everyone’s relationship, come to find out their relationship ended. They were separated and they felt like a fool in front of everyone. The shame even led a couple to delete their pages. Go to someone’s page right now who’s heartbroken, either they have a post of that nature, they’re commenting/liking on all posts of that nature, or their putting on a facade online. We share what’s in our hearts. Many people watch relationships, some they gain hope from it and others they are waiting for its downfall. Non-established relationships sometimes fall because of this. Once the hint is out, wolves looking to destroy relationships start to act on the assumptions and attack when it’s evident the relationship is going through hard times. Many will say that’s ludicrous, but it happens. There are people out there who do not respect other’s relationships and wait for opportunities. You may say, “well the person should know better.” Well most of us don’t when we are vulnerable, especially women. We are more emotional than logical, most times we want people to confide in. In many cases we do certain things to make the other jealous as well. Most women end up in terrible relationships because men catch them when they are vulnerable. It’s reality. People should protect their relationship but many don’t. You don’t need people knowing when you are doing bad or good. Ever hear the term “work in silence?”
4.) It adds too much value to social media
Social media already ruins some of the most beautiful moments because people are too caught up in it. This adds more value to social media. It invades another part of our life. I’ve been in a relationship where when we got together all we did was talk about other things we saw on social media sites and took pictures for social media. We just have to stop letting that take over every part of our life. Some people eventually feel the need to advertise their sex life on there. There’s no boundaries. We are becoming slaves of it and this is more proof. Most people I know in solid relationships rarely even post about each other or even post online. It’s kinda hard for many to believe that someone doesn’t advertise their life online which is ridiculous. As I’ve mentioned to some, If I didn’t have a brand online I wouldn’t have social media pages. Too many people use it for the wrong reasons.
Keep it off of social media, this is the advice I give people. Twice in my life people have told me that and it stuck with me. One girlfriend told me once, “why do you need everyone online to know? Everyone who matters knows.” I was a young college kid, it was dumb to me. As I grew up I noticed how many times I asked my partners to place their stuff online because it was validation for me. Like “look at me I’m in a relationship with a pretty chick.” One of my ex’s mother told me something similar later on in life, “take your time, keep people out of your business, establish the relationship first.” I thought it was nonsense until I faced the break up. Social media already complicated things, it’s best if we keep it out. You want the world to know you’re with someone, great. Wouldn’t it be better if it was someone who really loves you and the relationship has longevity not just a hype up thing? Some men are posting about their women because their women won’t stop nagging about it. Some women are posting their men because they need it to show that they’re picture perfect. Some of both are doing it because relationships make them feel whole and showing off their relationship is an accomplishment to them. In some relationships it even creates false competition, where people are complaining about their partner not posting about them enough or as much as the next person does. Get your relationship off of the internet and work on it. A good relationship already has enough to face, don’t add more to it. Some people just like private lives, just because they aren’t exposing their heart to the public doesn’t mean they are hiding it.