Date With A Purpose

We have allowed society to play a role in every aspect of ourselves from what we should wear to how we date.

There is an endless list of dating rules dos and don’ts but there isn’t a flashlight illuminating courtship and the dating process on a positive, biblical standpoint. Two-hour movies have given us a false notion of dating that has left many of us chasing our own tails for “the illusive one.” Magazines are are telling us what to talk about and not talk about on a first date. Avoid certain topics in order to get him to ask you on a second date they all proclaim. The question is; why can’t we talk about these certain forbidden topics? Why waste time making sweet meaningless conversations when we can talk about serious things that will determine if a second date is even necessary. Articles from all over are giving dating advice from getting the guy to ask you on a date to first date topics to talk about. There are tons of articles listing the fifteen topics to avoid on the first date and others listing the ten questions you can ask to make conversation in case things happen to fall on the silent side. These articles are taking out serious questions you should be given answers to prior to moving any further because they are not trying to teach us to date with a purpose of ending up with a husband, but a date, just a fun date.

These rules make very little sense to those of us who want more than just a date. The rules society has set for dating don’t sense to those of us who want to know the things the rules have told us to avoid. We want to know who we’re going on a date with, who the person is,  their beliefs, values, and morals. We want to know that we are compatible on a spiritual level, on an intellectual level. Society does not want us to talk about these things because they will scare the man/woman away.

I understand it takes time to know someone, but I can’t understand why I can’t ask questions that the answers will help me determine where things are going to go. I truly believe the person God created for you will not run away when ask these questions because they will be questions he or she wants to know the answers to as well. We should be able to ask questions such as: What are your expectations when dating? What is your belief? What have you learned from your parents or past relationships? What is a mistake you have made that you have a plan of not making again? What kind of advice have you been given about dating and how are you applying these advice to your life? How do you court a woman? Honestly, it should not matter if it is a first date. If you want to know the answer to these questions and you should be adamant about asking in order to find out. Of course I am not advising you to interrogate the person as if he is a suspect of a crime or bombard him with all of these questions at once. However, I am telling you to ask them in one way or another. What you should care about is not wasting your or the other person’s time. I don’t see why these questions cannot be asked early if they are going to help down the road. Why not talk about things that will help determine whether we should move forward or not?

People don’t want to ask questions because of fear and lack of courage leads them to heartbreak that they could have avoided. Some things you find out later in a relationship would have helped if they were discovered early on. The things we listen to on the radio, what we watch on TV and read in magazines give us a very obscure view on dating. Many of us find ourselves in relationship after relationship with a void we are trying to fill because we are not discussing issues that need to be discussed prior to diving head first into a relationship. Of course there are articles to “help” you deal with the heartbreaks that they helped you get yourself into; fifteen ways to get over a breakup.

My goal is to date with a purpose and encourage you to do the same. I am learning through my walk with Christ what true love is, what my worth is as a woman, what my value is, what I am supposed to be treated like. The bible says a man who found a wife found treasure. Proverbs talks about God giving man a prudent wife. That tells me as a woman that I am worthy, I am treasure. God sees me and He smiles. He smiled when He was creating me because He knows I am beautiful and to be guarded as treasure. Therefore you and I cannot listen to society telling us not to talk about things that are important to us like our values and worth on a first date. I was watching a video that discusses how we are not dating with a purpose which is part of the reason we find ourselves desperate and heartbroken over and over. We are being told to lower our standards so that they can be reached. We listen and lower them and end up heartbroken. I am not encouraging extreme standards but I don’t think we should conform our standards to fit people whom we are not meant to be with anyway.

Back to dating with a purpose: Be sure prior to the first date you talk to the person and get a feel for who he or she is so that asking questions on the first date does not seem like an interrogation. Before you move on you need to state your purpose for dating and check to see if it aligns with the person’s purpose. I truly believe the earlier you find things out the better it will be in the long run.

I am a 26 year-old educator on the run of becoming all that I can in the time that I have. A few years ago, I embarked on a journey filled with spiritual discoveries, healthy habits, and a passion for education stronger than I've ever had. Learning what to do to become a better person have always interest me. One of my passions is to know a little about everything in order to gain the capability of forming my own opinion so others won't have to do it for me. Another passion that was buried deep inside finally came to the surface and allowed me to see the adventurous side of me. I am on a journey to see the world and do things outside of my comfort zone. I will write all about it along the way!

This article has 6 comments

  1. grace fasasi

    Thanks for this article. Its helpful to me. I like setting the records straight early. Its just unfortunate that dome guys consider it been too forward. But I think it saves me a lit of trouble cos I invest a lot of time and energy in my relationship. May God give us our own life partner.

    • Yve

      You are welcome!

      I truly think the guys who think you are being too forward are not in the same page as you so you should waste no time with them either. I agree, this method does save time and energy. Early on, you are aware of where you stand and the end goal.
      -I know God has a perfect plan, it is a matter of waiting for it to come to pass!

  2. Aaliyah Marshall

    Girl yes I totally agree I say this all the time people are so small-minded sometimes and don’t think about connecting on a spiritual and intellectual level.

    • Yve


      Yes, the connection needs to be higher and deeper than simply physical.

  3. Simone

    Talk about it, Yve! You hit the nail on the head when you said “society wants us to date…just to date.” But it’s different when you want to date to get…married. And I think all those lists of what to say and do border on deception and manipulation.

    I had A LOT of questions when I started dating my last boyfriend (now husband). But, they were not the wise question you listed. I feel into the trap of interrogation with questions like: how many kids do you want? etc. Thankfully, he was patient enough to see past my crazy. The thing is, I just didn’t want to waste time.

    In my opinion, you CAN ask the questions you listed! If he’s the man God has for you, then he’ll be THRILLED you are being so intentional and transparent. Blessings to you…Simone

  4. Yve

    Thanks Simone!

    I am glad you commented on this article. It shows that there are men out there who are patient and wants the same things we, women, do. The right man will see past anything to be with you! Congratulations on your marriage and blessings on many years to come!

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