6 Steps to find yourself after a breakup


Have you looked in the mirror lately and didn’t recognize your own reflection? Do you no longer feel like yourself? Have you lost the person you were before the relationship and can’t seem to find your way back to your old self again? Moving on after a break up is one of the hardest things anyone can do. Especially if you put up a good fight to try to salvage the relationship.

Sometimes in relationships, we consume ourselves so much with trying to help or change the other person, that we end up forgetting who we are. Next thing you know, the relationship is over and you feel lost. You have looked yourself in the mirror and despise what you see. You may even feel like you are not good enough, attractive enough, or even smart enough. You are depressed and can’t seem to be happy and have no idea how to begin the journey to finding yourself. Here are 6 steps that helped me find myself again after a bad breakup.

1.) Take a Hot Bath and Dress to Impress

First thing is to get out of those sweat pants and big T-shirt that you have been wearing for the past few days. Take a hot bubbly bath with some soothing music and just relax. Next, put on a favorite outfit that has always made you feel beautiful. When people dress up, they tend to automatically feel a lot better about themselves. When someone sees that they are looking better than before, it will begin to lift up their spirits.

2.) Get Out of the house

Think of favorite hobbies.  Think of activities that you enjoy doing. Maybe treat yourself to a spa day and get your nails and hair done. Treat yourself to one of your favorite restaurants. Do things that were enjoyable before the relationship. Whatever it is, just make sure that it is out of the house and allows for you to get some fresh air. Personally for me, I would walk around downtown in my city and visit all of my favorite boutiques. Other things I did were: attend musical events, sporting events, and local concerts.

 3.) Journal 

Expressing feelings in words will help in ways you could never imagine. Feelings on the inside, need to be let out somehow. For me, it was through journaling. I spent time a lot of time writing down exactly how I felt. The more I would write, the more I began to feel at peace. I even wrote motivational quotes and reminders about how beautiful I am on sticky notes and placed them around my house. I know that that may sound like a bit too much, but it encouraged me to keep going. Journaling also helped me to write down the lessons I learned from that relationship, and helped me to take responsibility and see the mistakes I made as well. All in all, I think that expressing how you feel and writing it out in a journal can help the healing process.

4.) Quality time with positive people

Spend some time with positive people.  Being in an environment of happy and supportive people tends to brighten up one’s mood significantly. So, go and spend some quality time with friends and family that are positive, encouraging, and want to see you smile again. If you are spiritual like myself, spend intimate time with God. Allow him to help you become whole again. Quality time with good company and lots of laughter almost always puts a person in a better place than where they were before.




5.) Go back to chasing your life goals and dreams

Go back to your life goals prior to the relationship and pick up where you left off. Do you have dreams for yourself? Do you see yourself where you need to be now? Are their goals or dreams still on your bucket list? Now would be an excellent time to readjust your focus on something that will benefit you in the long run. Write down your goals and come up with a strategy to execute them. Take the necessary steps to get to where you want to go next in life. Remember, you are important and deserve to be happy at whatever it is you chose to do. Whatever that is, just make sure you put yourself first this time. Go after your goals and dreams.

6.) Decide Enough is enough

Decide when enough is enough. Come to a point where you are ready to move on to take the next step to make a change in your life. There comes a point when you are tired of being tired, tired of crying, and tired of being depressed and miserable. The time will come when you will need to make a decision that you will not be broken inside any longer. You will not be defeated anymore, nor will you feel sorry for yourself. One day you will decide it is time to move on. However, this day will not come if you do not make that decision for yourself and declare that you will no longer be defeated. You must at some point take the necessary steps on finding your way back to who you were before the breakup. It will not be easy, and yes it will take time, but it will be worth it. You will find yourself again,

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