I wrote these two quotes the other day thinking about the focus of relationships and why marriage is seen in such a bad light and isn’t as successful as it used to be.
“Marriage was designed for those who want to enjoy the companionship of a partner, the joy of sex and looking to procreate. We’ve decided to give all those benefits in a relationship without the lifelong commitment then say either marriage isn’t necessary or not everyone isn’t meant for marriage.”
“Everyone isn’t supposed to be married or ‘I don’t want to get married’ wouldn’t be so light on the tongue if marriage benefits weren’t being handed out in relationships.”
As a godly man who preaches morality in terms of relationships to many in cyberspace, some of course do not agree with what was written and rejecting these statements adding ‘it’s whatever we want or relationships are based on terms of the partners’ to blanket over it. What I believe some have missed is the fact that I challenged their relationship and motive of their relationship, instead of evaluating they simply said they would stick to what works for them.
The unfortunate the truth is that many may say they are doing what works for them, but what they say “works for them” actually doesn’t work. A lot of people are in relationships with weak foundations, uneven terms, unaligned visions and silly conditions. They can’t see what’s rotten about the relationship because along with the “it’s what we make it” mindset comes the “you see what you want to see” reality. Hence, relationships ought to be what works for the couple but that’s if wisdom is being applied, truth is being accepted and reality is being acknowledged.
I strongly believe if couples honestly evaluated their relationship there would be less heartbreaks and fewer people walking around with the idea that love sucks. Referencing the quote above, if marriage benefits weren’t found in many relationships, would people even get in relationships? If people were forced to wait until they found someone they were willing to commit to who had a similar vision and that person was the only one who they could have sex with, pro-create with and bond with emotionally, people wouldn’t find dating so fun or even engage in relationships. Marriage would be a priority for many and commitment wouldn’t be so loose.
At any rate, along with the response to the quote, I felt it was necessary to influence people to challenge their relationship. Evaluate them to see what their relationships are really surviving off of. Here are a few ways I think you should evaluate your relationship.
1.) Take sex out of the relationship.
It sounds unrealistic, but it will work wonders when it comes to helping people figure where things stand. Most people feel you can’t have love without sex. I agree with them. When you love someone, you desire to please them (my idea of being in love and qualified to please is in marriage). But a lot of people never truly find out if they are in love because sex makes them feel like it. Most people don’t stay in a sex-less relationship long enough to know if they can last without it. Soon they feel close enough to their partner they proceed to sex and saying “I love you” comes into the picture. I can suggest Christians wait for marriage completely but for everyone else whom I know might have no desire to wait that long I say, take sex out of the equation for a bit. Force yourself to learn and love each other outside of that. Trust me many relationships will crumble after that, not only for those who think you have to keep a man or woman by pleasing them, but others who thought it was love holding them up and so forth. Sex blinds people; it masks itself as love and confuses many. A relationship without sex isn’t guaranteed to stand but it’ll do a lot better than those with sex as a foundation rather than a true bond and true love for one another, heart to heart.