Men

A Backup Partner To Avoid Investing In Yourself

Being alone may scare you, but staying in a bad relationship will damage you.–Unknown–

A few days ago, many of the social media news sites reposted, retweeted, and generally rehashed a survey stating that half of married women have a backup partner in mind. If you are too “busy” to actually read the article or click on the link to the actual study, it basically states that about half of the women interviewed had a “fall-back person” just in case their marriage takes a turn for the worse. These guys are usually anyone; from ex-partners to someone they just met. In many of these cases, the man waiting in the wings has already confessed his love and would be willing to “drop everything” to be with her, if she asked.

And we might be willing to question if the fact that these women have a fall back plan ready actually could be the cause for their failed marriage. We could blame their current husbands for not paying enough attention. We could blame the guys willing to pursue a relationship with a married woman. We could blame anyone and anything, but this article is not about the blame, it is rather the message that can be taken out of the article only after you scrape the soap opera dribble off it.

This article speaks of women unwilling to be alone. It speaks of a woman who will not abandon a relationship till she has another one lined up. To her, being alone is so scary that she will continue in a failed relationship till she can trade it in, and not necessarily for a better one. They can’t see a value to their lives unless they are attached to someone.

This article also speaks of a man willing to stay benched, waiting for that woman who is in a relationship, to give them a chance. These men have reduced their own self-worth by following around a married woman, like a boy desperately seeking attention. In their bid for a chance, they actually wish the woman’s current relationship to fail miserably, proving how their interest is actually one based on selfishness.

But when you look at it, this article speaks of people who haven’t given themselves the worth they deserve. Their worth is measured by their relationship to others, be it a woman’s ability to be in a relationship or a man’s ability to ‘win’ a woman over. People need to understand that a relationship is not about two half persons who need each other to be complete, but about two complete individuals who chose to share their lives.

You need to learn to be in a relationship with yourself, and to value yourself. Only when you value yourself can you expect to be valued and be able to value your partner. Until you are happy with yourself, you will never be happy with anyone else.

“It’s not about the Guy you used to be, but the Gentleman you’ve become.” – Being Caballero
Contributor to The Good Men Project , MNSWR Magazine , and Gentlemenhood .
Architect, Writer, Speaker, Gentleman Coach, and Advisory board member to the National Council on Women and Girls and the National Council on Men and Boys .

This article has 1 comment

  1. Dre

    Couldn’t have put it better myself. Great post!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.