Underlying Issues in Interracial Dating
I am a Haitian woman who is open minded in regards to dating in or outside of my race. I am also a person who likes to see all four angles of a quadrilateral so I could not help but look into what is NOT being fully talked about in the interracial dating world. Beyond the frustrations and accusations of betrayal from both black men to black women and black women to black men lies some other questions that should be brought to the surface.
Is interracial dating a trend?
- Interracial dating has been going on for longer than it seems. It simply has gotten more publicity through media with the advance of technology. However, I could not help but raise the question, ” are some women dating because it is the ” it” thing to do nowadays?” Some black men make the claim that black women are treating their interracial relationships with white men like a trophy (an accomplishment worth displaying all over the internet). I am not picking a side by adding the previous statement. I am in the middle observing both sides of this issue. I follow a page called Love Beyond Borders. On that page, I have read a countless number of posts of black women from across the continents asking to be matched with partners who are white. One woman posted, ” I am not attracted to men from my race, I am attracted to white men.” Another posted, ” I am dying to be in an interracial relationship.” Many others comment on pictures of the black and white couples, ” I wish this was me” and ” this will be me one day.” Whether these women are seeking refuge from terrible relationships with men from their own culture or simply want to try something new, I am still curious as to why exactly they are choosing white (sometimes Asian) men.
Are black women looking at white men as supremacy?
- The community of black men who are opposed to black women flashing their white boyfriends or husbands all over the internet are making the claim that black women are looking at white as men as the better kings (snow kings). I thought whoever makes you happy and you are compatible with is your king? Alright, moving along. I don’t have the answer to this question. I was thinking of posting the question on a couple of the pages I follow, but I was not sure how these women would take it and I did not want to start anything I was not willing to fully partake in. I understand how it can seem a little offensive, although it is not my intention at all. I am simply wondering if the black men’s claim has some sort of truth behind it. When black women only ask for white men as potential matches, at which point is it a preference or something else? (I am curious to find answers to this question, why are black women preferring white men?)
Are white men (some) simply interested in the experience of interracial dating or real love?
- I read an article that touched bases on this issue. I was excited to read it and that someone actually took the step to surfaced that question. When I read comments like, ” the darker the berry, the sweeter the juice”, I love dark skin black women”, I always prefer black women”, ” I am white but I am not attracted to white women.” I am not exactly sure what these men are trying to portray posting these comments but it still brought up some concerns for me. I am not stating that these men are not sincere or that their preferences are not real. I am just asking a legitimate question here. I know, any men of any skin color can choose a particular woman for the experience, but that is not the point here.
I would love to hear other people’s perspectives about this rising issue. I don’t want to bring any issues in people’s relationships (although, I do believe you should be able to talk about any and everything in your relationship, but I am not your relationship counselor, so moving on…) So, if you are in an interracial relationship or you have been, I would love to discuss your take on any of the questions above. Please keep in mind I am not trying to bring up controversial or touchy issues in your relationships.
I see that this is an old post, I happened to come across it just browsing through the content here and still think it’s worth adding a comment.
I am the product of an interracial marriage, so is my mother, and I am married to a white man. I honestly do see a trend in the interracial relationship field, it seems like it is a “cool” status for many people. Some really good insight into this white/black status symbol relationship idea can come from Bell Hooks book “Ain’t I a Woman”. What I see and what concerns me, is that many couples do not have an equal understanding of what they are really getting themselves into. This is a racially charged time and for the black or brown partner in these relationships there is s choice to fully embrace your race and the things that come with it, or to kind of ignore the negative baggage that is part of being a POC for the sake of the relationship. And there are a lot of white peoples who will pressure or manipulate the brown partner to lean that way for their own comfort, throw out a few race jokes and make some token solidarity statements when necessary but ultimately not donthe work of learning about their privilege or learning to be an ally for real. This is a hard path to choose, and if you are dating someone just because you like a certain look you are not seeing the whole person. Character must be the basis of the choice and the looks are the cherry on top. Regardless of what race you are dating. But there is a huge amount of culture shock that happens throughout the relationship, and it doesn’t end with the wedding. Things will come up as time passes and children are born. It isn’t something to rush into without really considering things like politics, your own bias, their family, your family, religion, how you plan to raise mixed children- ask other mixed people who are adults! And listen if/when mixed people try to tell you things about this choice. There is much internalized racism that we all hold and interracial relationship choices amplify them, no relationship choice should be made on a trend- whether its size or “inclusivity” or a celebrity look. It has to be the kind of person they are inside first. If you are not looking for character content foremost then there is an issue with how you see people in general.