Have you ever found yourself not thankful after someone has put in all effort to get something done for you? Better yet, have anyone ever bought a gift she/he thought you would love but you ended up not feeling a thing about it? Usually we are told to count the thought behind the gift if the gift itself did not impress us. There are people who appreciate the thought more than the gift. They do so for a different reason that is unknown to most of us. If you answered yes to either of the questions above chances are you have yet to discover your love language. Often we spend time doing things for others the way we would expect them to do us and end up feeling unappreciated when they didn’t say thank you or gave us the reaction we hoped for. Well, if we learn each other’s love language, we will be able to please each better and get the appreciation we deserve.
There are five love languages. Your love language is how you innately respond to certain things people do for you. It is the language you speak when people do or say things that touch the bottom of your soul. When I found out my love language it was like discovering a new part of me that was hidden all these years. Knowing your language is important because it allows you to find out what speaks to you and in what way. It is knowing the things that most make you feel loved. Most people have one love language while others have two or one strong one and a couple others on the side. I was curious, so I took the test and found out that my love language is quality time and a combination of words of affirmation and physical touch. A lot of times people use gifts to show love when all the while all the person needs is a kiss or to go on a date. You may find yourself spending time wondering why someone is thanking you so much for doing something so small. It is because your action spoke to them in a way they feel loved. Using each other’s love language to deeply speak to one another is not only for intimate, but any kind of relationship.
I encourage you to spend time learning your love language, your partner’s love language and act accordingly here on after. There is a test you can use as a starting point. It asks you questions and adds up points each time you answer a question in order to determine what your love language is.
The five love languages are:
Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.*
Verbal compliments or words of appreciation are powerful communicators of love.
Encouraging words: “Encourage” means “to inspire courage”. All of us have areas in which we feel insecure. We lack courage, which often hinders us from accomplishing the positive things that we would like to do. Perhaps you or your spouse has untapped potential in one or more areas of life. That potential may be awaiting encouraging words from you or from him.