I have heard things such as “You are too independent for your own good” , “Being independent takes away your feminine side”; ” Why do you have to sound so educated”, and “You are doing all the things a man should do for you so you will never get a man” from others so many times I have no idea how to reply to them. The things people say sometimes, it is difficult to find a response to give them. I am an independent woman and I am proud of it, not because it gives me any power to be something [I am not], but because it allows me the ability to do things on my own and it is teaching me to be responsible. Being independent means taking care of my responsibilities and practicing everyday duties that are required of me-nothing more.
I was never a super feminine woman. There was a season of my life where I was a bit of a tomboy. As I grew older and became more independent, I learned to embrace my femininity and feel more comfortable with myself as I found styles that fit my personality. If anything, becoming independent made me more feminine.
I found through observations some men tend to be afraid of independent women, because they fear they will not be as needed by her as they wish to be. As a woman, demonstrating to a man that I need him has nothing to do with him taking care of the bills or his education level. It is the character traits he possesses such as: loyalty and faithfulness, whether I can depend on him emotionally or not, his sense of self, the way he treats me and so on. I have also found some women are intimidated or jealous of other women who are independent. The word independent means not influenced or controlled by others in matters of opinion, conduct, etc.; thinking or acting for oneself ( dictionary.com). Somehow the true meaning of the word was lost in translation.
Now a day if someone is independent it is [almost] a negative thing. I am having a hard time figuring out since when is thinking for yourself and not being influence by others a negative thing. Both the men and women who are terrified of independent women have deeper emotional issues that need to be solved. People who feel that way tend to fear that they are not good enough, they are not strong enough or they are not at the level they wish they could be. Since they do not want to deal with the real issues, they gear their frustrations toward others who are at a place they wish they could be, but are not.
I am independent, educated, and doing things I should be doing for myself by myself because that is life. It is what I want to do and have to do. Everyone takes their own path in life and decide how they want to care of their business. When I see or talk to people who claim they are not or don’t want to be independent, I have nothing to say to them. I am respectful of the choices they make for themselves. I think the respect should be mutual.
As far as ” you are doing things a man should be doing for you so you will never find a man”. First of all, when it comes to being with a man, it should not be so he can do things for you. He can do things with you! I am not with a man now, so if I am not doing what I have to do, where does that leave me, huh?
Now, don’t get me wrong. If someone is using the fact that she is “independent” for a reason to raise her nose in the air at you, that is different. That person may not be aware of the real definition of the word either. At that point, simply walk away from that situation. Being independent has nothing to do with making yourself seem better than anybody else. Again, independent means taking care of yourself and not let yourself be controlled or influenced by others. It means acting and thinking for yourself.