Your Facebook page is flooded with engagement pictures, engagement rings, and pregnancy announcements. It’s 2 in the morning and you are fighting the urge to give anything the benefit of thinking about it. All ( well, most of them) of your friends are getting married or are having children. You? Well, you are still single. No children, at least not your own. No boyfriend, not even a “potential”. Your brain starts taking you on sweet trips down memory lane. You find yourself and a list of ex boyfriends past watching “What’s Your Number” on the couch with a glass of wine, bag of chips, tub of ice cream or another treats of your liking. ” Well, *John was a nice boyfriend and he was kind to me.” “Maybe I should see what *Mike is up to.” ” The trip I took with *James was the best trip ever!” The chain of thoughts go on and on. After all, that is what a trip down memory lane is supposed to do to you- make you think of all the good times as if the good times were the reason you broke up with those exes.
No matter how tough it gets, make it a priority to keep your priorities on a straight line. I am not asking you to think of the bad times until you grow bitter, but I am asking you to be objective. Don’t let other people’s present devalue your future. Keep in mind whatever decisions you make consist of consequences that YOU will have to endure. don’t gallop into *Patrick”s arms out of weakness when he is not the one meant for you. I will be the first to say that it does hurt reading all these announcements on Facebook. Half way down the page, my smile turns into a frown and I find myself wondering “Why in the world do these people have to let the whole world know for?” Once I am back to my senses, I return to being happy for them again. For the split second I am reminded that I am still single, I subconsciously allow myself to feel pity. “Oh my goodness, I am still single. I am almost 30!” Before I bury myself in these low thoughts, I find the strength to yell out, “I am a woman of faith!” God has a plan to prosper me. I will not be the one to mess up that plan.
Don’t go back to an ex to fill any void that was not mean to be filled by him. Yes, I have thought of getting back with an ex. “Now that I have had time outside of the relationship to clearly think things through, it might be easier to work on them another time around”, I thought. Again, I smacked myself back into reality and reminded myself of the reasons we broke up in the first place. We tried to work things out twice and failed both times. I don’t believe in “third time is a charm”, especially with the same person. I believe in treating exes (use your own discretion here) like food dropped on the floor. If it’s on the floor for five seconds or more, don’t pick it up and put it in your mouth. It’s up to you how many times you want to try the same relationship or how long you want to go around the same mountain. Me, I go insane and get dizzy after the second time. I am an adult, I am quite aware when other things in my life are not working out (when to move on from a job, when to move to another house, when to choose a different career path and so on) and I am making a conscious choice to use that skill in my dating life as well.
Don’t retrace your steps and pick up ex boyfriends because you want to be in other people’s news feed on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or whatever other social media you use. Let things occur at the time they are supposed to. Nothing forced ever makes it far. Be patient, be fair to yourself, be faithful in waiting for the right person to come along. I know it is hard to understand at times why you are still single. I understand how difficult it is to feel as if your Boaz is just not coming. Nothing is wrong with you so get that out of you head. That thought will lead you to think that you are less than those who are getting married and having children. Yes, they are the same age or younger than you. Yes, they are not better than you (and vice-versa). I don’t know why you and I are still single. What I do know is, maybe it is simply not yet time. We all have our path to walk and will reach different mini destinations within our journey at different times. Those who are in relationships or are settled in with a family you can only dream of for now, they have reached that point in their journey, that is all. Don’t you worry though, your turn will come!
In the mean time, get ready, do everything you’ve always wanted to do, pursue different careers, grow in your faith, make friends, love others around you and anything else you can think of.